Monday, December 12, 2011

another weekend over

Well got alot accomplished this weekend. I finished my friends laundry so she would have clean clothes. She had like 7 or 8 loads.. 6 of them clothes two of them blankets.. I still haven't done the blankets yet. I'm taking a break from that.. I decided today to do the kitchen and bathroom downstairs and sweep the floors. That was enough for my back to handle. With the weather being the way it is, all my joints are just achey also.. So not fun.
Mike went up and visited his boss and give the return to work note, so he can start back in Jan. Can you believe it's been over six months since he's worked. I know it will do him well to get back in the mode of working. I just worry that after he sees the surgeon for the fistula and he actually starts dialasis, will he be strong enough to continue working..He's been through so much already, I just don't want him to go through more suffering.
The good news is, that I will have my portion of the insurance back. I can't wait! I will be able to see a Dr once more.. Talk about an answered blessing.. I needed for so long..This way, I can get back on the right track and get my butt back to doing all I did before. I am missing church, I'm missing my soup kitchen. I'm missing my life.. It's time to get my life back.. So it will be a good Christmas of answered prayers and blessings.
Thank you Lord for your love and kindness. Thank you for your arms wrapped around us, when we've needed it most..

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Dec. 10

Well once again I'm way behind. It is hard to getting on the computer alot b/c it's Mike's only outlet on being bored. So I let him have it. I have my phone to do most things, so I don't really complain. I just don't think about trying to do my blog.
We had a really nice Thanksgiving. We ate at Deb and Kevin's house. It was a bit hectic in the beginning but ended very nicely. We were eating at two. We had the twins (melissa worked) So that meant we had to get a ride. Our truck only sits one passenger. I had to take the truck though, also, because Kaylee needed to be back for four for the nurse. We finally settled down to eat at like 2:45. By the time we finished eating and cleaned our places, it was time to repack Kaylee, her recliner and diaper bag into the truck, once again. I made it home by five of four. We waited around till five thirty. No nurse.. So after her feeding was done, I packed more essentials and meds and headed back for the evening. We had a fire pit and a nice dessert of sorts. It was awesome. We had plenty to be thankful for.
We decided to sell Mike's Harley finally. Between his illnesses and financial difficulties we knew we had to. He only got like half of what it was worth. But we took every advantage we could of it. We did an awesome Xmas shopping this year for the kids. It felt great to be able to do that. This is the first year we could do what we did this year. We even kept some, to put in the bank to secure a loan with it.. Need to pay off bills and build credit.
Mike has been released back to work, but hoping that his boss won't schedule him back on til Jan. He goes for a fistula consult Jan 9th. That is to discuss and schedule surgery to have two main veins combined for dialasis. If that doesn't work, then they will put a mock vein in. This will take 3 mos to heal and grow over to the normal vein it should be for complete acceptance of the dialasis and the vein won't blow from the pressure and so much pumping of fluid. He can then also be tested sometime after that to see if he can be a candidate of a kidney transplant. He has four people that have volunteered to donate. They will have to be throughly tested to see if they match. If they don't he will be put on a transplant list that is up to 8 years long.
He has more restrictions on his diet now. He is now on a diabetic, cardiac, low phosphus as well as low potassium diet now. Tell me what great meals can I cook this man on a very tiny food allowance. Most of the time we get our food fromt he food bank. B/c the cost of life and meds take such a HUGE chunk out of us as it is. But I have faith that Father in heaven will bless us to pull it off.
I've been helping my girlfriend with not only driving her kids home from school, but now at the salon with cleaning and answering phones. This weekend I'm doing her laundry. So hopefully that will help with some cash...
The driving is still paying for my haircuts, color, and straightning. She also trims the twins and Melissa's hair. I do Mike's. he's easy i just buzz his. LOL
I just got approved from the state a "cost sharing" medicaid. Check this out, I have to accumulate $1442 (a month) in order for them pay for anything. I know I have medical issues and I need meds on a monthly basis. But I can't see me running a bill of sorts "Every" month of that amount. I have to look for a new Dr as well, since we fired ours back in July. she nearly got Mike killed. She wasn't treating him for any of his ailments except diabetes. She was telling him that all her test didn't show kidney failure and the high blood pressure she was ONLY treating with a cholesteral pill. I mean come on, charge $250 for a walk in office visit (thank God for Bc/Bs and co pays) but for that price she should of been some sort of specialist.. And imagine she studied and worked at Columbia up North Massachuessetts for High blood pressure and helped put on the market some of the top meds.. But to prescribe to a patient when needed. NOPE why would she do that.. She rather not treat you for meds and have you come in More then needed and slowly kill you off. Nope I don't think so... So we fired her and Mike got a new and much much better Dr. She is AWESOME!!!!
Oh well, now that I've yet once again wrote a novel here.
I should make it a New Year's Resolution to try and keep up with this blogging.. I've not even written in my personal journal in ages.. I'm so far behind. Go figure.....

Thursday, October 20, 2011

almost halloween

Can you believe that it's now almost the end of October. Melissa will have a birthday on the 24th. She will be 28 years old. Imagine that, I have a daughter almost thirty.. Geesh!
Mike is still out of work. Can you imagine after being in the hospital in July, his Blood Pressure is still high and sugar still bounces. Can't imagine. The heart Dr wants him to begin dialasis and the kidney dr wants to wait till his percentage working rate is down to 15-20%. He is at 25% right now. But Cardiologist doesn't see his BP coming down until he works the kidneys first. And in the meantime, he is still out of work. His short term TDI just ran out, now they began the process for the long term to begin. They sent out a pkt for us to fill out. Then it will take up to 45 days to kick in. Praying we don't have the same issues that wwe had before and start getting things shut off. I wonder where we would be w/o Melissa helping as much as she does.. She has been such a blessing.
I still drive my friend Jenai's kids home daily from school. This past week has sucked b/c she and I have been ill. She got the blunt of that one. When I'm feeling decent I clean for her and do laundry in return for cash. That helps alot. But between my flares and now the Crud and such we've had, I'm lucky I've done anything around here. Still have Kyla during the week while Melissa works. Kaylee now has a nurse 7 days a week. That is a huge help in and of itself. I'm not so stressed, even though she had been the eaasier child. Imagine that..
Hopeing things will fall into place soon. WE've missed so much church. I stopped going to soup kitchen b/c I just can't wake up in the mornings and keep up through the days. Now my schedule is like, I wake at 1, go to salon at 2 and pick up Jenai's truck, go get kids around 2:20. Go back to shop and hang till approx 5. then I get home start supper, take care of Kyla's needs til 7. Put on a movie for her till she falls asleep. I'm back in my bed by 8:30 and can't fall asleep til 3am or so.. Story of my life. But I'm so much more comfy in the bed then not.. I hate my furniture.. Well, at least I'm out of my bed now and doing stuff. not like years ago when I would only get out of bed to pee and fix food and be back in it for eternity.. Don't ever want that again..I will fight to keep that from happening..
Oh well, that's about it.. Not alot going on.. Especially not alot of happiness. I do read alot! I'm on a reading program though my phone/online. I'm reading right now on you version Psalms and Proverbs in 30 days. I'm doing through Gateway the old testiment. And on top of that I'm reading a book called In God's House.. Loveing it.. So I make sure that I spiritually stay connected. I will never lose that again.. Come to far to fall now... I love my God and don't want to lose that relationship that I'm starting to grow on.. JUST LOVING IT!!!
Well, good night till next time in catching up.. Will post more pics one of these days.. NIGHT

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Record the following promises in your journal. Beside each promise, write the words of Psalm 23 that substantiate that promise. I have listed a few to help you get started.

God promises to meet every need in my life. “I shall not want.”
God gives me rest and peace. “He leads me beside quiet waters.”
God gives my life purpose and direction.___He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. _____________________________________
God comforts me when my heart is broken. __he restores my soul____________________________________
God promises that He will never leave me.__________for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. _____________________________
God gives me victory over my enemies. __Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, [fn] I will fear no evil, for you are with me_______________________________________
God promises me eternal life. __Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. _______________________________________________

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Sunday 7th Aug

I'm trying to up load a pic of Melissa on her first day of school but of course it's not letting me. It's like I did my limit on here already. Oh well.
I over slept today and didnt make it to church. I was soo tired I couldn't wake at all. So I decided must need to just suck it up and roll over and get some more sleep. I slept till 15 mins before Melissa went to work. Imgine.. She scrambled out what not before she had to and ran out the door. Kyla decided it was time to see what she could do while mom is gone. I swear she does all of it on purpose. Let's act out while mom is gone. She was upstairs watching tv in her mom's room with her sister. So I went up there to go to the bathroom and talk to Mike. She decided while I was up there, she snuck downstairs and got in fridge and started to pulls things out she wanted. When she got to her sister's pediasure, she dropped it and the lid flipped off and spilled some of it through out fridge and in drawer that she left open. So she left all and came upstairs to tell us she spilled and make a mess. I was picturing a flood on my floor. But thank the good Lord on high, there wasn't.
Then I took off to my friend Jenai's house to pick up and pot roast dinner that she made and was giving us what was left over.I left Kyla with Mike. When I came in ,she was upstairs and Mike down in kitchen. I started reheating dinner and we ate and when she was done, she went back upstairs. I assumed to watch more tv with sissy. After awhile she comes down. I turn to look at her and tell her it's time to potty. when I noticed that she got ahold of her bangs again and chopped more off. (mind you this is second time) Now she looks like she tried to buzz her bangs...LOL Mike told her that she was going to start to look like his hair.. HA! His is longer now.
I asked her where she found scissors. She told me in Mommy's room. i said ok show me. As we walk up the steps I see my door open. I yelled down to Mike and tell him he left the door open. I'm surpised it was only scissors she got into. I don't want to imagine what else she could. She already tried to swipe pills fromhim and pop them in her mouth, while he was taking his. We went in there first and sure enough, on the floor is the scissors and a good chunk of hair.. UGH!!! I popped her butt for touching stuff in my room and put a diaper on her and sent her rear end to bed. Mind you it was like six thirty or so.She fell asleep around 7:30 but knew not to leave her room at all..
I told Mel, the rate we are going, Mike will have to be on one floor and me on the other.. So we can see her at all times.. Last time she was in Mel's room watching tv and wanted to get on Mel's laptop. Guess since she couldn't get into it (it's password set) she decided to pop off like six or so letters.. Store wanted to charge $55 to replace the key board. Mel worked it long enough and popped the letters but like 2 back on.. She said give her time and she'll get them on also..
It amazes me. I can't wait for Mel to change shifts so I will only have them third shift and we all are sleeping. I just cannot keep up with these guys anymore. Not during everything else going on... I guess. I'm too spent on life's other things...
Oh well, this too shall pass.

day of memories of this year

The first pic is of Mike just going into work. Can you tell he was in a really bad mood. We had a pretty good loud discussing LOL before he left.
Second is the Mike just waking up lol
Third is twins and I on Easter Sunday
Fourth is an updated pic of my son Jw. My word he is just about a man. I can't believe it..

Thursday, August 4, 2011

updates from long ago.

Wow! I can't believe it's been so long since I last wrote. Mike went into the hospital for a week for high blood pressure as well as kidney failure yet again. Same as last November. Come to find out that our Dr we had was a flop. She took him off all the meds that the Dr's at the hospital prescribed him. She told us that there were better meds for him now and one wasn't any good for someone with diabetes. She also told him that she could do all blood work in her office and send it off. Oh and from looking at all his labs and tests she didn't see him having too much issue with his kidneys that they will work it and took him off the medicine they prescribed. The night of July 5th, he texts me and says, I can't breathe. It's like the humidity is taking my breath away. I tell him, i bet it's your Blood Pressure. Your sugar is out of whack and you dont eat right, so I'm sure your BP is high.. We went to the Dr the next morning after he told me that morning when i went to let my friend's dogs out that he wanted to see the dr that he couldn't breathe and he wanted to go to the drs. So i called and got him in as soon as they would let him. His Blood pressure was 220/114. She said she wanted him to go to ER right away. She wanted him admitted to be monitored by a specialist..
We weren't in the ER an hour and we found out that the meds she put him on weren't any of them for BP. They were cholesteral meds and tricliserides. So for 8 months he hadn't been treated for his hypertension.I had had it, so had Mike. We were done. We told the hospital, that if she ever called for records or reports that you know nothing and we want nothing to do with her ever again..
He was diagnosed with Ischemic Heart Disease. He is in kidney failure. He is now on 10 different medications... He had almost 35lbs of water weight. He had edema from his toes to his face. The edema was squeezing his heart and lungs. That was why he couldn't breathe. Today he looks like he did (weight wise) in high school. The Dr was totally impressed on how well the Lasix is working. Since he was discharged, they only had to increase one of his BP meds. He does well in the mornings, but by late afternoon, early evening it would spike. Now after the increase, his BP is just about perfect.
He had people all over the states and different parts of the world praying for him. God had heard and answered our prayers. He had blockage in the heart, but after testing found it wasn't enough to put stents in. He was told that highly possible that he would need dialasis for the kidneys would completely shut down from the test for his heart. God took the other road and made she he didnt. There were different things that he had been blessed with. Amazingly, Mike was so touched with all the people visiting him from church and the help that was given there as well at our home, and the love and prayers just convinced him, this is the place he needed to be. Amongst the love and fellowship of this wonderful Godly church family. He determined from then on that he was going to commit to The Lord and commit to going to church and giving it his all.
Well July 15th We were babptized in this fabulous new Gospel of life. We are one membership class away from becoming full fledge members of this wonderful church. I was sick the day of that one class and the whole family decided not to go. Melissa never went back to class, but Mike and did. With Mels schedule, she rarely makes it to church. On Weds nights when we go, we take the girls with us, so we can go. Kyla adores the nursery..Kaylee stays with us.
The twins had their 4th birthday. Can you believe I'm a grandma of 4 yr olds. Love it! We've been sitting for Melissa while she works. Before I had ppl coming to help me. But now we wing it. Kyla can be such a hand full. She is mouthy, fresh, full of so much energy, doesn't listen, and when scolded or spanked she laughs at times. Alot! She is still potty training at 4. Amazing huh? I know she is behind in things. So it took longer for it to kick in. But amazes me how spiteful she ccan be with it. She would much rather wet herself then use the potty. we use bribes of treats(m&m's, cookies, grapes, blueberries, crackers, fish, etc) and still she plays it. We think that she is jealous. Kaylee wears diapers, kaylee goes to school, Kaylee gets things she can't have (even though she gets more), Mommy goes to work and leaves her on a daily basis and poor Kyla is home. We know that she knows when she needs to go, she has told on some occassions, "I go potty" and she goes. Then there is times, she will just open her legs and watch herself go on the floor.. UGH!!!
Jw is coming on the 16th. Im praying that I can get him to stay for good. I've had people telling me that John is not fit for live in parenting. And he is not spending hardly any time with Jw. John is getting an upcoming job that will have him away from JW even more so. Being that this isn't the first time that I've been told about John's parenting wasn't right. I think it's time to take over and keep him with me.. I just pray sooo hard that I can convince him and his father this is the place where he needs to be. He needs a better life. Besides the only reason why Jw wants to go back is because of his youth group. The kids treat him awful at school and he doesn't have it any better at home. So I am hoping youth will be just as great here and he falls in love quickly.. I pray that God will hear my heart and help..
Ok I think that's about it. Now that I wrote a novel here. I'll close. I think I caught everyone up now:0)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Spiritual Sundays

I tell you, I'm in my glory when I can get up on a Sunday morning and be able to go to church. Most Sundays I've been going alone b/c no one wants to wake up and go. Most of the time, I've usually had like 3 hours sleep. Mike keeps me awake while he works, texting me. Last night he got a night off. What a great night. We got to snuggle for the night. I love that, and then to get a full nights sleep together. Can't get any better then that.
Now mind you, I've spent weeks praying for Mike and my family. Today he actually went with me to church. I know he was feeling the spirit in it's truest forms. It just touched my heart. That's how I know that Father answers prayers. It may not be right away, but in His time, He will. The best, was how Pastor Mark walked back, gave Mike a "guy" hug and told him, how much he enjoyed seeing him there. Prays he is feeling well and that he misses him when he is not there. It just filled my heart. For a congregation of over 700. To walk up to a part timer and call them by name, just warms me..
We have been learning about "back to the basics". The basic foundational issues. How Jesus is the ONLY way back to our Father.
"It says in the bible that " I am the WAY and the TRUTH and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father except through ME."
So if this be the case, then w/o Christ and his blessings, We will not make it back to live eternally to our father. We cannot do it all alone. The other thing that struck out to me was that "how much do you have to hate a person to not share your faith" that was from Penn (from Penn and teller) who is an Athiest. He said, respectfully, even though I'm Athiest, I give Christians the utmost respect when they present to me their God. It's like if a truck was coming and was bounding in to hit you. What would it take for me to convince you? If not I was going to either takle you or pick you up and move you out of the way. That is how you should believe in your God and go to every aspect in life to tell others your beliefs. B/c He is either the Lord of all or He is the Lord of nothing. It's your choice.
Talk about over powerful. It just fills my soul to know where I am at today in my life and desire this love for all I come in contact with..
Love it.. To hear it for yourself you can go to and listen to the live streaming.

Monday, June 20, 2011

girl friends in God post for today...

I can remember growing up and when I would say my prayers, that it was a daily ritual of usually the same things over and over each day. And things didn't usually change up until something drastic happened or I really needed something from the Lord at the time. So this story from GIG really struck a chord.
I love how I've grown today and how my daily prayers have changed. I have what I call prayer rides as well. when I drive Mike to work, usually once or sometimes, lucky enough for twice a week, I spend the drive along the country hwy alone, talking to God. Just spilling out a conversation like I would have with my best friend. I love it. It refreshes me and feels like I just spent a one on one time, like I would with my best friend. It's awesome! But below is the story that GIG sent my inbox today....

Emergency! Emergency!

Sharon Jaynes

Today’s Truth
“I call on you, O God, for you will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer” (Psalm 17:6 NIV).

Friend To Friend
My husband, Steve, graduated from dental school in 1981. In the beginning I was his only employee: his dental hygienist, dental assistant, receptionist, and insurance clerk. On the days that I was not helping him, I worked for another dentist in town. I was so exhausted most of the time that our joke became, "Sharon works six days a week and cries on the seventh."

One thing that amazed me when we started his practice was all the emergency phone calls that Steve received on nights and weekends. I usually answered the phone, and asked the caller several questions, one of which was, "Mrs. Jones, how long have you been having this problem?" Invariably the patient would say, "three days," "two weeks," "a month." I always thought, So why did you wait until Saturday to call? Of course, being the sweet person that I am, I never said that.

One night the phone rang at about 2:00 a.m. I groggily picked up the phone and managed a weak, "Hello."

"Hello," said the caller. "My son is having a terrible toothache. Is the doctor in?”

Where did she think he would be other than "in" at 2:00 in the morning? (OK, I’m being grumpy again.) "Yes ma'am, he is. How long has this tooth been bothering your son?"

"Oh, I'd say for about two weeks," she answered.

So why did you wait until now to call...thought, not said, of course. Something didn’t feel right about the call. Then I asked, "Ma'am, and how old is your son?"

She answered, "27. My son is 27-years-old."

I was so shocked that I quickly sat up in the bed, accidentally jerking the phone cord out of the wall and disconnecting the caller. She did not call back. I had envisioned a distraught mother with a crying five-year-old. But twenty-seven!

I laid back down complaining and grumbling. "Lord, why is it that people won't go to the doctor regularly but only want help on demand when they have an emergency?"

When I got quiet enough to listen, I heard Him say…"Now you know how I feel."

Let’s Pray
Dear Lord, forgive me for only talking to you when I have a problem that needs fixing or a situation that needs solving. How it must hurt You when Your children come to You always asking for something, rather than simply telling You how much we love You. Today, I just want You to know how much I love you! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn
How do you feel when your children only come to you when they want something?

When was the last time you went to God with an “emergency” prayer?

When was the last time you went to God with an “I love you” prayer?

Write out a prayer to God, simply telling Him how much you love Him.

Here’s a challenge. Log onto my Facebook page and tell me 3 reasons you love God today.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Falling in love over and over

On this day, God wants you to know
... that a successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Always with the same person, but deeper and deeper every time. Each time on a whole new level you together open in love and discover the truth of your beloved anew. There is no limit to the beauty of your beloved. If you think you've reached the end, stop generalizing...
I took this from a friend of mine on FB. It hit me, Mike sent me a text the other night, that said, "I have to tell you how much I love you. How I'm falling in love with you like it was the first time." I was even more flabbergasted when he told me that he wanted to renew our vows together. The amazing part of that is how he tells me, he wants to marry me b/c HE WANTS to marry me, not b/c he has to. He felt that back when we married, he "had" to b/c there was no one to take care of me. My mom past away, my dad remarried and moved away. There was no one else to take care of me. But now, 8 years later he feels that he has fallen head over heals in love with me and wants to renew our vows in the right way to prove it.. How awesome is that?? I just adore every bit of that... He is totally awesome!!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Haylee's fish

This used to be Mike's fish tank. LOL Haylee has taken over. Now if only she could feed them and fill the water every few days. LOL Haylee is so funny, she will chase the sharks and bark at them and scratches the glass, tries to bite them. It's halarious. We just love it. It's such entertainment.. LOL


Well It's Mike's birthday today. He is 50 years old. Come Saturday I'll be 40. Can you actually believe it?? I never thought this day would ever come. But it's just about here.
What a month. I've had yet another kidney stone. I actually finally past one, so I could bring it into the Dr and get it annalyzed. Thank you Father in heaven! All the prayers, begging Him to let me save at least one of the 3 that has popped in my body. After the Dr told me to forget about it and put all my things away. This stone has disappeared in your body too. So I did. She gave me a script for Eurethritis and sent me home with another refill of the Lortabs for my fibro flares. That night after doing what I was told, I popped it.. I went in first thing Monday and dropped off my new baby for testing. I was so proud of that thing...
Anyway, then we were knocked on our buts last week. I started that Saturday with a bad allergy attack. Even the Dr told me if the over the counter meds didn't work to come back and she would write a script for a stronger med. But funny thing was a few days later, Kyla got the runny nose, Mike started getting it, Melissa and Kaylee. So I would say, NOpe not allergies. Mike got it so bad, that he got fevers and vomiting with it.. When that started, I started getting worse and worse. I have a great med. for vomiting. As soon as I feel like I'm going to, I pop this pill and it dissolves on my tongue and it stops the urge. You bet I was taking that everytime I got nauscious. We spent 5 straight days in the bed.
The 15th we were suppose to get Baptized in our new church. But we were both so ill that we just couldn't bare to even leave the bed to go. We are so depressed. Me more so then Mike. I've waited all year to get baptized. When Mike finally returned to work last night. He told me how he felt the pit of evilness coming to him. He started doubting the need for baptism. But after thinking about it last night, he knew he needed it just as much. So I emailed Pastor Mark and asked when he would be doing baptisms again. We so want to as soon as we can.
Anyway, Saturday we are having a surprise birthday party here at the house. Mike thinks it's a family birthday party. We have five of us, born the end of may. So he thinks it's a joint family party. Boy will he be surprised when he finds it's an over the hill party for him. LOL Can't wait.
But that is about all that is new around here. So write more after the weekend. I'll have pics to upload then also. FUN huh???

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Your are my King *Amazing Love* by James Foote

I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken
I'm accepted; you were condemned
I'm alive and well Your spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again
Amazing love, how can it be
...That you my king would die for me
Amazing love, I know it's true
And it's my joy to honor you
n all I do I honor you
Jesus, you are my king


I have to say Easter is my most favorite holiday every. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. I love the idea of the birth of Jesus Christ. It's the first step in preparation to Jesus growing to his whole reason for being. He is going to be crucified on the cross for ME! Well you know, for you, for me, for everyone! All you have to do is keep the Father's commandments like Jesus did and you will also be ALIVE as well...
We could not have had a more beautiful service today as we did. The spirit was as usual over whelming. Today was special. Today was Easter. Today we celebrated Christ's resurrection and how grateful we are for his atoning sacrifice so we may be able to be forgiven of ALL of our sins and be able to have EVERLASTING LIFE..
The most thing that is sticking out to me is this, In Matthew where Jesus is in the garden praying to Father about what is going to commence the very next day. He asks the disciples to keep watch and be a look out while He prays. But instead, their eyes get heavy and they continually fall asleep. Each time Jesus comes and wakes them and asks once more, to stay awake and be a look out. B/c when we are sleepy and relaxed and at a weakend state we are more suseptible to the temptations of the devil. Finally Jesus says to them.. "Rise! Let's go." Unless you sit and think about it, where is He telling them to go? But down to the Cross. Let's go to the cross and bring our sins so we can renew and start fresh again through Christ's loving atonement we can keep going back to the Cross and have do-overs in our life and keep getting the forgiveness to be able to Rise again, just like our Savior.
What a perfect plan. What an amazing promise. How amazing is it, that no matter how much we screw up, God loves us sooo much that he continually forgives us to keep going back and redeeming ourselves through Christ's blood.. Thank you Jesus for your agonizing sacrafice. So we may have this.. For we are not perfect and we can fall short alot.
I was brought up in not worshiping Christ's death, but to focus on his life, the resurrection. BUt in my heart of hearts, I had issues with this. Troubled by it.. Even as a teenager, I thought, if it wasn't for the cross and Jesus sacrifice, there would be NO resurrection. In the bible it says that through the cross we can be renewed and brought clean before our maker. If we have problems or troubles to bring it to the cross, lay it at our Lord and Saviors feet and let him carry your burdens and be set free. Because of the blood of the atonement of Jesus being put on that cross and suffering as he did, we are forgiven as often as we need, due to the fact that we are not perfect, we can fall short numerous amounts of time. It's through the cross that I'm grateful of this promise. Why forget about that? Why not focus on that Cross and keep fresh in our thoughts and in our hearts and souls this purpose.. It's my choice to be able to do this.. It's my life at almost 40 years old that I may do this. Why do I keep getting thrown in my face this is WRONG.. In my heart THIS IS RIGHT!!!!
I am proud of that cross, I am proud of the sacrafice that Jesus has done for me.. I am proud He chose to follow the Father's plan so that we may have the blessings that we have. The resurrection is the PROMISE that Father gave so that we may also have everlasting life. Thank you Father for your blessings, and thank you Jesus for your selflessness and obedience.
And because of all of this.. When I need a re-do, a make up, a lifting of my burdens, YOU BET I'M GOING TO THE CROSS AND I'm leaving my burdens with Him so that I may be lighter and allow Him to do my heavy work and let what ever HE needs to do to make it "all better for me". I have had WAY too many expiriences of goodness and mercy through HIS GRACE, that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt and could never deny to anyone. This isn't true.. And I will always be humbled because of it.. Thank you Jesus! Thank you Father! Praise and Glory is all HIS..
So in rememberance of a very happy Easter this year... Let your happiness be through HIS GRACE and ONLY HIS GRACE! B/c Easter is Grace!

Friday, April 22, 2011

Good Friday and What Easter means to me...

I wrote this in an email to our Pastor's Wife. This pretty much sums up my feelings on the resurrection for me and what Christ the Lord and Heavenly Father has done not only in my life but in my family's life as well. I have been addicted to listening to KLove the entire day. I'm so in the spirit of Easter today that I just can't get enough. People were looking at me funny as I'm driving down the road with the music blarring from the radio. Too Funny. At least singing "oh how he loves me" I didn't cry while driving this time. I'm always over taken by that song.. B/c it just tells of the love and forgiveness that He gives to all His children...
"It was such an overwhelming morning. It's amazing how the spirit just over flows in me. I look back this past year and am so blessed at the changes my whole family has made. We're just waiting for the annoucement that Pastor Mark is going to be doing baptims again. I believe from talking with my family he will have 3 St.Jeans in line to be emerged. Talk about overwhelming.. Praise God for the answered prayers of a struggling wife and mother trying to set an example for her family. To think the whole 11 yrs I've been with Mike and his daughter, neither of them cared for church. Back before Melissa started coming to church, a few days before I told him she was going to go with us. He had told me that he was thinking of taking a month and evaluating his life see if he even believed in God. I spit out as fast as I thought it, " I hope you don't want me to do the same!" For after women's conference I was "in" the spirit over take me and NOTHING and NO ONE was pulling me away.. Praise God he took me out of my life of "mormonism" which was all I've ever known in my lifetime. But I knew I was where (we) belonged. So after he went into the shower, I quietly started praying for Satan to exit my home and exit my husband and was really Getting mean in the name OF Jesus to leave my home. That following Sunday Mike up and came to church with us. He has never returned to that point.. Thank you Jesus.... He's had some slips here and there, but NEVER to that extreme. Then something happened. That last Sunday when I wasn't there, and Pastor spoke on the Holy Spirit and such, Mike came home and told me that he prayed at work and felt that the Holy spirit spoke to him.. I was flabbergasted. This is the first time I've heard of him praying. never mind getting a response. I think I fell in love all over again....
Thank you Father, Thank you LOrd for my blessings and answering a desperate plea... Anyway, I had to fill you in... You know how I have to keep you up to date on my growing testimony.. So yes, Sunday i was so overwhelmed with the spirit that it just flowed from all of me..I've never had a hungry spirit like I've had this past few months. I started a daily bible reading. I find my self reading chapts past what is assigned for that day.. I just can't get enough.. I've been reading the Left Behind Series and just amazed on how I cross reference it with His Word. It just amazes me, to what is happening in the world today and how it is so written already.. I'm praying with all my heart and soul that the enemy will not find an opening to hit up my husband again for him to back off from him wanting baptism finally. It's taken me a year to get this far.. For like I said last year, he begged me to wait for him.. I'm so afraid that it will be too late.. I know God will bless us.. But I really feel this is what we need.. That is why I've waited for him.. He doesn't do anything w/o me.. I'm amazed he actually goes to work and to church w/o me.. Thank you Jesus for that...
I love you and so thankful for the many wonderful things you have done in my life. You were my start at LPC and I feel so blesseto have such a terrific family to share my love of Christ with.. Thank you so much for opening up to me last year.. Love you..... "
Anyway, Hope everyone has a fabulous Easter and remember the whole reason for HIS LOVE and SACRAFICE for us...

Sunday, April 17, 2011

How Awesome Is That Day to Me

How Awesome Is That Day to Me
How awesome is that day to me-
O day of hallowed history!
Set time in God’s determined plan
To sacrifice the Son of Man.
What famous work that day was done
By Jesus Christ, His Perfect Son!
The Second Adam, sent to save,
Humbly obeying to the grave!

How savage is that day to me-
O day of pure brutality!
When Christ, the Son of God Most High,
Was fiercely whipped and hung to die.
And O the horror of my sin,
Seen there in His appalling skin!
For God struck down- as meant for me-
The sinless One, at Calvary.

How precious is that day to me-
O day of purchased liberty!
In Him, a freeman now I live;
My sins, through death, did God forgive.
No wrath at length looms o’er my head,
But lovingkindness there instead.
His righteousness, my guilt replaced,
And Love, this ransomed soul embraced!

O awesome, savage, precious day-
‘Tis God the Savior on display!
What peerless, holy, gracious Mind
Would fashion such a Grand Design?

Friday, April 8, 2011

feeling no pain

Have to say I'm feeling NO PAIN.. Yesterday morning around 7AM. A 4mm stone popped out of my left kidney. OH JOY! NO JOY! More like MAMMA MIA!!! The pain from that was excruciating!!! Then with in a half hour I started vomiting and couldn't stand it. I was p'ing blood and just in agony. I said to Mike that I had yet another kidney stone coming. By Nine o'clock, my poor baby took me to the ER. I couldn't deal any longer. I was checked in with in twenty mins and hooked up to an IV and a sodium chloride bag. They gave me a Tordol(pain) and Zofran(for nausciousness) through my IV and waited to see if I could give them some urine. The Tordol did very little in easing the pain. From a ten to maybe an eight. After awhile the DR came in and hooked up a mini cath and took urine from me. That opened me enough to use the toilet. The result from that was high red blood cells (of course) and low pottasium. They sent me for a CATscan to find the 4mm stone.. Finally after that, they finally gave me my benedryl (for itch from dilauded) and 50mg of Dilauded. With in moments I was feeling better.
As they finally wrote my discharge papers and prescriptions, they told me to stop at office on the way out. The lady asks me, "how do you want to pay your bill?" I'm like umm, "I don't. I have NO Money. I had to borrow money to pay rent and you have to bill me." I also found out that I had medicare through my disability and they sent two out of three older bills to them. I was like, " I didn't even know that I had that." So I have to call Medicare and see if they will help me in the rest, from December and ask about the ones that help out for low income. Maybe they can pay my other bills from hospital stuff too.. Praying that they will.. Then I would only have Mike's to pay off. Wouldn't that be cool..
Mike's laser surgery went very well. He came home bragging about the Dr and how great he is. That makes me feel so good. Mike's sister Michelle took him for the surgery, since I was still in the ER until after 3. He left hospital at one and Deb (cousin) came in to keep me company and drive me home. Bless her heart. She is sick with a severe sinus infection. She is so awesome!
When I got home, I took my Lortab with my flexeral and I phenegram and went right to bed. I slept most of the night. Today Mike went and got 3 out of five meds for me. Melissa gave me her anti-nausia meds, that she never took. Same exact script I was given. Mike filled the flomax (make me pee more), proK (low potasium), Cipro (anti-biotic)and I just kept taking the Lortabs and flexeral from my last script when I had the UTI. Besides the Lortabs I have are 10mg and what they wrote was for 7.5. alot of good they will do. I'll have to break one in half and take it with another just for them to work. I'll be filling them Saturday..
All I've been eating all day is fruit cocktail(that I made from canned pears and peaches, an orange and an apple) crackers and dinner time i had it with a slice of pbutter toast. Tonight I had one pop tart and later a bowl of ceriel. Not bad for a days time.
But most of my day has been sleeping. I didn't fully wake until like around 5pm. When Mike got kaylee off the bus I went down and unhooked her from her stroller and he carried her up here and laid her in bed with me. I started her feed (at least thought I did) and we slept for a couple hours until the girls(michelle, melissa,emma and kyla) came home from the gulf aquarium. After they came in, I went back to sleep till around five.
I've been drinking like no tomorrow. For every glass of juice or gatorade, I've been drinking a bottle of water. I'm surpised I'm not floating away,just peeing a whole lot.. Oh well, one way to get this stupid stone out of me..I'm hoping by tomorrow night it will be gone... Pray to God it is...I'm also hoping that I catch this one and it doesn't get lost, so I can take it in and they can test it and find out what the Heck it's made of and how to prevent more. I get these suckers WAY TOO OFTEN!!!! So pray with me it works all this way.

Monday, April 4, 2011

weekend enjoyment

Have to say we had a pretty good weekend. Michelle and Emma came over Saturday and spent the night and gone to church with us on Sunday. We got the compliments Sunday of having so many in our family to join us in worship. Sister Christy was just overjoyed to see us taking up more space. We told her that Michelle and Emma were going to move down the end of July. She was very happy. She says keep bringing them in:0) Here are picks that Emma and I took Sunday morning of everyone. Amazes me that Emma going on 5, May 5th. took very good picutres..

These are pics of the girls and Emma. Mike is in one, the bald dude is my "adopted" son Nick. Then Melissa is in the group shot of the girls. Michelle is the one in the blue short sleeve sweater.. My favorite is the one of me crouching down and Kyla is hugging me goodbye. I was one my way out the door to church to save a seat for the family to sit..

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Answered Prayers

Then Jesus answered, "Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted." ( Matt 15:28)

After Monday and DMV sucking us dry for everything we had and then some. I've spent my days and nights praying to Father. I told him Monday night, I am not going to get sick over this, I'm going to leave it at the cross and allow you to guide me in the direction that needs to be. But of course like so many others You tend to keep praying from your heart. Please bless us and pray we don't get in a HUGE mess over this. I mean I've done all, I paid my tithing right up front, then wrote out two more checks before we went to the DMV. So I was stressing (a bit) So of course for days, I prayed and prayed and prayed.
Yesterday I went to the soup kitchen of all intentions of breaking free and going to the secretary and asking for some help. Before we start serving people, the workers all gather in the kitchen and pray. We join hands and go around the room and if you have a special need in prayer to God we pray for it. I asked for prayer, that God will interceed in our lives and bless us and wrap his arms around us in comfort. Now only 2 people knew my financial issues and only one knew of my personal issues with Mike and his doubts at times. But as Sister Jane was praying, she just started spilling out my needs and asking Father to bless her and her family and help to rectify the home situation and remove Satan from our home and our minds. How amazing is that?
While we were serving, I was standing next to one of the people who knew my financial situation. She looked over to me and in a soft voice she says," how much are you in for?" I looked at her and was like excuse me? She says How much are you short. I was like ummmmmm and I got this nudge like "go ahead tell her." So I told her my issue. Melissa was going to pay as much as she could and then what I may be short on.She looked at me and said ok, I'll loan it to you. What really, (shook head twice) and started crying right at the serving line. Come on we are talking my rent here. She says, I got it, you need it. Ok... I was like wow!! Thank you Jesus!
This morning, as I was driving to pick up Mike down that dark country Highway. I was listening to K Love Radio. It's the Praise and Worship station. I was praying to Father thanking him and praising Him on how wonderful He has been in my life. When at my worse, He was still there. Everything down to my family and my husband. I was trying to keep dry eyes and drive. I just was so over whelmed on the blessings in my life.
After talking with Mike over everything, we figured fabulous, rent is paid all we are short now is his money for the rest of amount in bank that was short meds, few days gas and a few days of groceries. So we decided to take a small loan out to get us by. Enough that it would take care of those and just enough that it won't pinch when I get paid. Mind you I prayed all the way too the bank that I didn't have a bounced check. But a better blessing came our way. They gave back my "courtesy pay" The bank paid for everything it left me a small over draft fee thats it.. I cried right there at the counter.
So I have to say Faith is so strong and these are the things that makes you blessed to be a child of God. A God who does listen to your pleas and prayers and blesses His faithful...
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you..
Took Mike to Dr's today for Blood Pressure med refils. After she was done with him, she asked me how I was doing. Told her I was in alot of pain from fibro. It's very wet today. Told her how I was taking Lortabs at my worst moments. She said, come see me, there is a new med out for it, you will love. I told her how it's my pre-existing. She said ok come see me. She going to give me samples.. Cool..
So over all it's been a fabulous blessed day..

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Just another Manic Monday (well this case Tues after Mon)

Well Yesterday was a very stressful day. Mel and I went and registered the trucks. Oh my word, Florida has you coming and going. you would of thought that our license plates were made of solid gold... Between both trucks it cost $860. Can you imagine?? It's an initial $225 just to register a vehicle in the state, if you have never done it before. Then according to weight is the price of registration. Then you either have a choice of expiration on your birthday this year or next. Now my bday is in May, so I was like how much would I save if I renewed it then. But it would have only saved me less then a hundred dollars. I couldn't see any justice in that.Mel's is Oct so she decided to renew then. Then Fla, you have to have a title for your vehicle (RI if it's ten years or more, you don't) So anyway, it was such a punch in the gut that it just killed me. It took my rent money plus.
I could have waited longer to do it. BUT my issue as well as Melissa's was. WE both had our license transferred already...And you only have so long afterward to get the registration done. And the fine for it would of been horrific. So we just did it. It was bad enough, it took me a year to do regsiter it. I was fretting over a hundred dollars and couldn't afford it the entire year. I would of never been able to swing this much. Melissa it's only since end of summer. So still we were well over the time limit of it. Last time we got pulled over, New years eve. (head light blew out) We were asked how long we were here and were told we had ten days upon arrival to do it. So he was being very kind not to fine us then.
So now I'm in a panic of stress. I not only used the rent money to do it. But I exceeded into my tithing, avon and one more check that I wrote. So I've been praying for the last 24hrs for Heavenly Father to interceed and help us to make it w/o bouncing any checks. Come Friday Mel can give me half the rent and I can let the landlord know that I will pay the remainder our next pay day on the 8th. But I just want to make sure we don't fall short on the other checks that were written. Especially the tithing. I can always give back Avon and such. But I will NEVER take back tithing. That is HIS first before anything. But as I put on Facebook, I left it at the Cross and let him deal with it all. I'm just not so great about leaving it there, w/o worrying over it all.
Last summer I wrote a check on faith that the over draft would cover it. It's kind of what they call "promise to pay" and you pay it back your next payday. What I didn't know (wasn't verbally told and I didn't happen to read it before signing) was that they only give you a week to pay it back. I told the lady, If I knew that I wouldn't of signed. Mike gets paid every other week and I get once a month. Anyway, so I lost my over draft priveledge. I've been fighting for four months now to earn the priviledge back. It's such a blessing to know if your short just a bit, that they will pay it and you can pay it back at payday. You have up to $500 to it with. Now I worry if I bounce anything, It will be another three to six months before I can get it back.
This has put a strain on Mike and I also. He is not good with stress. Especially money stress. When we get in any bind, he doesn't want to hear about it. He would rather I just deal with it and be done with it. I tell him, NO WAY! If I have to suffer the stress of finances and when we get in a bind, I be darned if I'm doing it alone. So anyway, it puts him in a foul mood and he gets negative and it opens ports to where Satan can just jump in and take over and stretch him to his limits. So I had to hear again the entire night how much he hated Fla and today how much he not only hated Fla but he hates his job also..
So hopefully by next month things will start to pick up and he will be in better spirits. We want so badly to go to RI for a visit the middle of July. It just seems that Satan keeps getting his clutches into our finances that we can never put anything away. Plan is that we go up for a week, then bring Jw back with us and have him spend a month here and then he will fly back just in time for school to start. He HAS got to come down and visit. I've not seen that kid for a year. I need him... I would love for him to decide to move down. But so far he keeps telling me that he wants to go to highschool up there and then after he graduates he wants to come down. I can't wait that long. I'm so impatient. lol All I know is I miss my boy.
I miss friends but my son is the worse. Too bad John couldn't just move down.. Then we would have no issues and Jw would have no choice. I'm bad I know.. I just miss him to death.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Almost the weekend

What a great week. Life just seems to get better with each new day. Monday we went to the eye Dr's and Dr Gupta was awesome! He gave Mike a shot behind the eye to stop the leakage and told him that in a couple weeks he will go in and do minimal laser to finish up what the shot didn't do. It makes the laser alot better and less evasive. So cool. This Dr is more advanced then any other eye dr we've met. How cool is that. They say they are ten years ahead of their time. He tells us that with in a month, Mike will be able to get his new glasses finally. It's been what five years or so.. Poor guy.. He is so over due...
Wednesday I went to Soup Kitchen and Food Bank again. I just love that. Deb, Mike's cousin's mom has been going with me. This was her second week. She really likes it also. I'm so happy. It's one way she can feel the Spirit and learn why I love it so very much. After all is done with that, I bring home Nick Watts and we all socialize till it's time to head to service that night. He goes to CNC and we go to service. You can't beat a day like that, really. It's my utmost favorite day of the week. I'm surrounded by God's Grace the entire day.
Last night we had a sub pastor. Pastor Mark's youngest son, Elijah (Eli) is in the hospital with Asthma and a virus. He has been having a really hard time breathing and coughing so much. He's there again tonight. Poor thing. many blessings to him, so he can come home soon. Anyway, The sub spoke about Power and Authority. What a fabulous sermon. It just hits you square in the eyes, right in the heart.. He tells us to go boldly to the throne of Grace and tell God your wants. Then asks, "are you afraid to ask for miracles and freedom for God to lead you to Salvation?"
There are 4 elements of power and authority
1) Compitents 2) posterity 3) personality 4) character
B/c it's only through Christ that we can do anything.
I just love it.
Starting Sunday, Pastor Mark is suppose to start an Evangelizing class. I was hesitating on taking it. But then as I tried blocking it out of my head, the more I got nudged to think more on it. Then it came to me. I've spoken to a few people recently about God's Grace in our lives as well as my feelings about it. I've had questions asked that I had struggles to answer. So if I'm going to be the one to be asked these questions about God and such, wouldn't you rather be the one to bring them to Christ or would you rather push them away, due to not answering correctly?? So I spoke to Mike about it and told him that I believe, I need to take the course. I realize it's a night off for him. But hopefully he will understand a couple hours there for such a great reason. For sometimes he wants me to spend all the free time with him. Who knows maybe he will want to go with me. He has been surprising me alot lately, when it comes to things with church..
I just know that I'm so blessed to be able to have such a wonderful God, wonderful church, and indeed wonderful life. Who would of thought I would ever hear coming from Mike, "I tried so hard to not love you. But as each day goes by, the more and more I love you." I know that if it wasn't for our God, that I would never have what I have today. That through him, our marriage and our family continuously grows by leaps and bonds.. To have him tell people how lucky he is to have me, that it took him three tries to get it right. He is glad he finally got it. Just fills my heart and soul. just love it!! For I've always felt he was my soul mate. But to hear him tell me is another thing.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

New Life new beginnings

So many things have changed in our lives here in Fla. The new year has just brought us so many new beginnings. Our whole outlook on life has has grown tremendously. And we owe it all to OUR GOD! We now go to church as a whole family. We sit in the front of the church right behind the Pastors wife and a woman, whom I call my spiritual advisor and her hubby. I have begun to read the Word on a daily basis as well as read novels on a continuous basis. Right now I'm in what is called the Left Behind series. It's all written about the Rapture and what happens afterward and what is to come. It follows along hand in hand right along with the bible itself. Very cool. There is 16 books in the series and I'm on 9. It is so very addicting!!!
We have all decided we are going to get baptized in the church and Melissa is going to get the girls baptized also. I just love it so much.
Granted I've offended my father and he is sure that I've offended my mom. I feel it the other way. I've finally found something that I believe and how happy I am with my growth in spiritual learning. I've never felt this way before. I feel after I left my childhood church and was w/o a church for a couple years, I felt lost, but not enough to go back to that church. So I needed to find another. Mike asked me to try the church he went to before we met. So I did. I loved it. Then after we moved to Fla and found Lifepoint, I was taken away! This is above and beyond Mike's old church. I liked his church but it wasn't as progressive as this one is. Pastor Mark wants us learning and growing. He wants us to read the Word daily. He wants us to put ourselves out there and Serve Serve Serve! We are to join ministries and serve in those ministries. We are to serve others and do it for the Glory of our God, not for ourselves. NOthing is a greater blessing then being able to do that.
I go to Soup kitchen and food bank and volunteer on a weekly basis. What an honor to serve those who are less fortunante as you. To hug or link arms with those who are just looking for love and acceptance. Every other Tuesday nights I go to Shared Pages book group. The last book we read was spiritually mentoring. It was fabulous. How to in tune yourself with the Holy spirit and let him be the mentor not you. And do it all through the word.. AMAZING how that works.
Mike and my marriage has grown by leaps and bounds. I can't describe the beauty and love of our marriage. I've never would of dreamt that a marriage could be so beautiful for me. It's all b/c of the Grace of GOd in our lives. I just know it!
Melissa completed and graduated from CNA class. She goes in three weeks and takes her state test and will begin working for a nursing home here in town. Amazing! The growth in this girl.. She has only grown since she left RI. It's really cool to walk toward her room and hear Worship music coming from her room. Who would of thought???
My son Jw is growing in his church (still in RI) and is also dedicated his life to God and I told him one night I dreamed he would be a pastor when he grew up. He told me he had the same dream. How cool is that. He also listens to Praise and Worship music. Too much!! My dream and desire is that he will move back with us and so I can hear praise and worship all over our home. How cool would that be????
Anyway, It's now four twelve AM and I have to wash my face and get ready to go and pick up my darling from work. Last night we went to a game dinner at church, so I just drove him to work. Why not, I knew I would be awake for the entire night. But can't leave w/o washing up a bit and cleaning out my eyes for clarity.
I'm just so thankful for the love God has for me and my family and touching our hearts to help us to continue to grow more and more and be able to share our stories with other to reach them to grow like we have.
Now I just hope that I can conitinually be able to blog and keep up on my life's adventures as they go along.. I tend to be able to do better in my personal journal more so then online. Go figure..