Monday, November 15, 2010

tables turned

Now that Mike is home and trying to get used to a new way of life in his health and eating, I've been set back into yet another kidney stone that is just being so stubborn. Usually I can get them and flush them with in a day or so. This one has been hanging around now for approx two weeks and just with in the last couple of nights its been dancing in my insides. OMG talk about some major pain! I'd rather give birth again. Then forget it, if I sneeze it feels like my whole insides are going to come right through my crotch.. OH MY!!! I've been neglecting the cough, lol I've been sucking down fluids to cover that or suck on a peice of candy. LOL Forget that cough. I've been forcing fluids to try and flush it out. Orange juice, cranberry juice, water.. Anything that will work it through. for three days it's not gone anywhere. Mike has finally said today, "you think it's time to give in and go to the ER adn get checked out?" All I could do was start crying. I'm suppose to be the care taker here. I'm suppose to be the "mom" in all daily things. No one is suppose to take care of mom.
I guess b/c of the fibro and what i've been through, I feel like I need to be the bigger person. Deal with what I have and be on with it. but it doesn't seem to work out that way. Go figure. People tell me that it's better to go to the dr and get checked out. But I don't see it that way. Well, I didn't. But it's not moving now and hasnt been for at least two weeks. So I guess I need to buck up and get on with it. I'll let you know what end up in the end.
“Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands give me delight.”- Psalm 119:143

Friday, November 12, 2010

working toward normalcy

Things are slowly merging back into a normal existence around here. Mike got discharged from the hospital day before yesterday. We went and got his pay (finally) and then picked up all the things he needed for meds and dressings for his finger. Came home ate some dinner. I was so exhausted that I actually fell asleep by like 9pm or so. My poor precious hubby stayed up all night. I was at first coming down on him for no sleep.. But come to find out he was afraid to go to sleep. He thought the entire night about his mom, and friends his age and younger who have died from diabetic complications, High blood pressure, as well as his new diagnosis of kidney disease. He was balling his eyes out telling his daughter and I, how he was so afraid to leave us and worried about how we would survive without him. It broke my heart.
After absorbing what he said and calming him as much as we could, I finally looked at him and said, "ok from thinking the entire night, tell me what your game plan is to fight this whole thing." He replied with, " head on.." I asked, alone, with help, what?? I finally said ok, we've done this before a couple times. Everytime it starts out ok and you do well for awhile. Then, you slip up and fall back into the same patterns as always.. We all do. Our diets and exercise in our life just SUCKS! So now it's time to try and do it GOD's way. Let's put it all in GOd's lap and let him work through us and carry us through to complete what we start. For I know with my fibro and chronic fatigue is just as much as important and if I'm down and out I can't take care of him either. So it's a together thing.. If he is going to fight to live for his family. Then I can fight to lose weight and strengthen myself to help in taking care of him and our family also..
So I emailed the pastor as well as his wife, who in over the women's ministry and asked where do we go from here?? IT's time to become closer to God as well as each other and work to strengthen our bodies and help fix our bodies..
But that is where I stand as of now. It's going to be very difficult for the holidays. We both like to eat in celebration of the holiday and over indulge. Heck, I even suggested when I put back my weight these past few months, that I would just step back and wait till the new year and start fresh again. For I know what the holidays do to me, especially... But with this in our lives, I nor he cannot wait for that time. It has to be now. I'm searching online as much as I can for diabetic and cardiac diets for him to eat. I figured if I cooked that way for him, It would benefit me to eat the same way. I can lose weight and strengthen in that way also..

Sunday, November 7, 2010

good days are coming again

Chronicals 5:20
....He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him.
Update on Mike.. Things are looking good.. Today Mike's had lowered BP. It's not perfect, but it's not lethel either.. One was 165/?? and this afternoon it was 156/?? and tonight was 168/?? So he is doing better. From what it looks like will be home tomorrow night texting you his own updates.. Keep up the prayers, it... will keep being a great night!! Thanks everyone for your support...
The Dr said to him today, your ready to go home. We'll just increase your meds a bit and send you out. I looked at him quizically, really One good BP and your ready to run with it.. WOW! go figure. No testing, no let's see why we had this problem,let's monitor this new number with your BP and if you remain or lesson through out the day and night, then yes you can go home.. NOPE he says, "sometime when your home in your own enviroment you relax more and your BP automatically starts to go down." Really, ok is that why just last month, in the dr's office the dr wouldn't let him leave b/c it was at such a HIGH number it could of been a stroke or worse...she gave him a med and waiting till the BP dropped before she allowed him to go home. Problem being was that the medicine, the insurance wouldn't pay for. So we increased his old med to double and in hopes that worked. We learned the hard way it was making it worse.. Then dummy dr in hospital wanted to put him back on that one med, but half the dose he was taking.. IDIOTS! I think this time, anything ever happens (pray it doesn't) again, we will go to a hospital that his regular dr is affliated with so she can deal with him on a daily basis. NO more of this non-sense..
Goign to see her tomorrow after he gets discharged. Done with this....
Oh man I cant wait. I miss him home and snuggling with him.. OH DO I...

Saturday, November 6, 2010

thankfulness day 6

Colossians 2:7
rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness
Christina Bowlby StJean
ok catch up time.. need to catch up from 2-5th. With mike in the hospital and spending nights there, i've not been online but for updates and brief moments. A very strict charge nurse on the floor sent me home tonight. so going to put a wash in and have clean clothes.. Anyway,
2nd Very thankful for Dr's and their expiriences in medical issues..
3rd- Thankful for nurses and their fantastic personalities.
4th_thankful for modern day machines to have results to tests much much quicker
5th_ LOL thankful for my washer and dryer. Bc just over a month ago, I was washing in the bathtub or spending bookue bucks at the laundry mat, that sometimes my clothes came home dirtier then when i started... YUCKA!

6th I'm thankful for such wonderful family and friends. They are our rock and keeping the faith in helping us make it through these tough days with Mike..

some better days ahead?? FAITH

It has been so difficult these past few days with Mike in the hospital. We go in for blueing of his middle two fingers on his left hand and find his blood pressure through the roof and no matter what medication they give him or how many it still is high. It does go down while he is sleeping, not to perfect but casual high like 150 or so. Then after he wakes and starts moving around he stairs his daily climb. It's 170, the 180, then 190, then 199 and tonight before he went to bed it hit 212. It's unreal. The Dr's are baffled as to why no meds are working. They switch them and still nothing. With the infection gone in his fingers and it's healing slowly but surely. Now we have a new fear. For if his BP keeps being this high, he is going to start having more issues with his body. So I pray that somehow God will bless over the Dr's and nurses in finding out the right thing to help him get it down and be able to come home.
We are financially in a down slope. With him in the hospital and such we are short with half our rent. The water bill and electric are coming up and we have no money to how we are going to pay it. It scares me so badly. I wonder how mmany struggles we are to have before we can get settled and be able to live and not worry how to pay the bills. I don't mean anything else right now, just rent, utilities, gas in truck, etc etc the essentials. We don't have tv, phone or anything to that sort. Our friend has the internet. So we don't even pay that. Mike's daughter pays for the food, Thank you so much for that and she pays the overacher for the rent. So that covers us there. Or we wouldn't be making it. But now i'm worried we aren't going to make it at all.
I just need to stop, pray and have faith that Father in heaven knows what he is doing and will carry us through. I just have to keep all that in mind..
“[Instructions on Worship] I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.”- 1 Timothy 2:1-2